KLUGSTER

April 24, 2011

CRAPPY IDEAS

Filed under: HUMOR,INTERTAINMENT — klugster @ 3:44 PM
Tags: , , , , , ,

When an idea goes through a person’s head they either act on those ideas or they forget about them. Sometimes a person may ponder the idea a while to determine if it is a good or bad idea.

 But what if an idea comes to you while sitting on the toilet? Then, does it become a crappy idea? “I wonder how many of the greatest inventions of the world have been thought of on the toilet.” I have never heard of anything that was invented on the toilet, or anyone talking about their crappy inventions.

I suppose it would be very hard to market anything that was invented on the toilet. Who would buy anything that originated as a crappy idea. However there are many products that might have been invented on the toilet.

Everyone has bought something and referred to it as crap. Maybe the idea for the item was created on the toilet. For instance a crappy phone that does not work. How about the crappy computer?  We all know of someone with a car that won’t run, “that they call a crappy car”. There are televisions and electronic equipment that we call crap. Just maybe they were all thought of on the toilet.

What about jokes that no one likes? We call them crappy jokes, they must have been thought of on the toilet. Ever take your phone to the bathroom and have a crappy conversation?

What about reading a book or magazine or the newspaper on the toilet, if you don’t like the article then would it be a crappy story?

Just the other day I was on the toilet, when the wife told me through the door, that she was leaving. I opened door and threw her a kiss. “She replied, I could keep my crappy kiss”

As you can probably guess there lays the idea for this crappy article.

Advertisements

August 19, 2009

BRETT FAVRE’S GROUND HOG DAY

When I heard that Brett Favre had signed with the Vikings, all I could think about was that I thought he had retired. Then I remembered that he had retired before and came back. This is nothing new and we will probably be going through this again next year.

The more I thought about this I realized the only logical explanation for him to retire and then come back again-again and again and again is that he must be stuck in a true life twisted paradox of the movie Ground Hog Day. He says one day that he is retiring and he wakes up weeks later and finds himself in a football uniform.

For us the fans it is getting old to see him keep coming back, but to Brett Favre it is like he never said he was retiring. Instead of the world thinking it is another ordinary day, it is Brett that does not remember what happened the day or year before. What else explains him retiring and coming back every year.

What we need is Bill Murry to help Brett to figure out what he needs to do so the he can one day wake up and remember that he has retired from football.

July 15, 2009

MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL ALIVE

I was going to Florida for a well deserved vacation just 3 days after Michael Jackson had died, and while boarding on one of my connecting flights, I observed something that seemed out of place. There was a skinny looking man with dark hair with a surgical mask covering his face. Now this is not unusual in today’s standard but something about this guy just caught my attention.

 He kept looking around to see who was near him and was just eyeing everyone that went by him. He was definitely trying to hide something or was up to something. As we got seated he was seated just 2 rolls ahead of me to the right, and he still was looking around him like he was looking for someone, but I felt he was looking around to see if anyone was watching him.

 Then he noticed me looking at him, and I could see in his eyes and he looked terrified, but why I did not know. He now was only looking back towards me to see if I was still watching him. He was very fidgety in his seat at this point.

 After the plane took off, the captain came on and said he was a huge Michael Jackson fan and was dedicating this flight to him by playing some of his music during our flight. As the music started playing over the plane’s sound system, I looked over at the mysterious man that I had been watching. He was now bobbing and wiggling around in his seat. As I watched him it seemed more like he was dancing in his seat,  to the music being played through out the plane.

 He suddenly got up and walked past me towards the bathroom’s at the back of the plane. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw him moon walking as he disappeared towards the back. I suddenly had to go the restroom myself. As I entered the restroom I could here in the adjourning restroom the distinct low pitched humming of WOO-UO-HOO.

 I was now definitely getting an opinion of who this mystery man was. But I needed more concrete proof. I went back to my seat and decided that when we landed I was going to call my friend that works for the TSA. After calling my friend and explaining what I saw and told him what I suspected, he told me he would look into it and get back to me. The next day he called me back to tell me what he had found out and told me a story of his own.

He proceed to tell me that just a week before Michael Jackson died, an associate of his had purchased a one way ticket to the Florida Keys on the very same plane that I was on. My friend also told me that he contacted a friend of his from Homeland Security who told him that the same associate also had a reservation for a private yacht  tour of several destinations in the Caribbean islands.

I was then told that this associate is who checked in on the flight not Michael Jackson, and the operator’s of the yacht tour company also confirmed that it was not Michael Jackson on the tour, however this same associate is now missing.

It turns out that somewhere on the tour in Aruba, the supposed associate got off the yacht to tour the city on foot, and had told the yacht caption not to worry or wait for them if they did not come back. Since the yacht company had already been paid in full they had no concern’s about the customer not returning.

As it turns out, this is not the first time this yachting company has had associates of famous celebrities take private tours to Aruba, then disembark in Aruba and never be seen before. The first time was in 1973 just 2 days before Bruce Lee died and again 1 day after the death of Elvis Presley in 1977.

 I was then told that there are several privately owned islands in the Caribbean, and if someone knew the right people and had enough money they could easily disappear for ever. I asked my friend if he thought that is what happened. He told me that he did not want to create any conspiracy theories, that I should draw my own conclusion.

 So after thinking about it for a couple of weeks, I have came up with the only conclusion that I can. Knowing what I know and what I saw, there is no doubt in my mind what has happened. Many people will not believe it but there it is pure and simple.

 For many years  people have said that Bruce Lee and Elvis Presley were not really dead and now I believe those stories myself. They are very much alive today and now have been joined by Michael Jacksons, somewhere in the Caribbean.

For years Bruce and Elvis have been hiding from the world, I am sure Bruce has taught Elvis how to be a great martial artist and Elvis has taught Bruce to sing or how to dance to All Shook Up and Jailhouse Rock. Now it will not be long before Michael teaches them to moon walk.

 

 

May 7, 2009

KLUGSTERS FLU

Filed under: HUMOR — klugster @ 10:09 PM
Tags: , , , ,

As we worry if we will be the next person to get the swine flu, I wonder how they came up with the name for the swine flu. They say it does not come from eating pigs (swine) but who really knows for sure.

I then thought how cool would it be to have a flu named after me.  I could be a flu, heck people tell me, that they are sick of me all the time.  So if I make them sick,  I might as well make them sick with the flu. So from this day forward I will be known as Klugster’s Flu.

Know I have to figure out what symptoms people will have with Klugster’s Flu. So I need to figure what are the characteristics of my self. Where do I begin.  Well I am hard working sometimes, make that most of the time. I can be a little lazy sometimes but we will call it being tired, it sounds better. I sweat when I work hard, I am hardly ever cold. I can be funny and sometimes irritable. I like to watch TV and  drinking beer while feeding my  face and farting and belching comes  very natural.

So the symptoms for Klugster’s Flu are being tired, sweating, sometimes but rarely being cold, slight mood swings with a desire to be a couch potato with bad case of dry mouth and munchies while farting and belching at the same time.

As they say with any flu that you should get plenty of rest and drink liquids and always feed the flu. With that said then the remedies for Klugster’s Flu are to avoid all types of work. This prevents the being tired and sweating and mood swings. For the dry mouth drink all the liquor that you want. For the munchies you should feed your apetite with all of your favorite snacks.

For the farting you should include some fart free beans with your snacks, you can find these in any of your local grocery store. As for the belching who wants to prevent that from happening it is so cool. I know people that can belch to just about any show tune. 

There it is I have officially created my own flu, now all I have to do is start spreading it around and hopefully with in a short time it will become a full blown pandemic that will out do all other flu’s of the past.

 

April 20, 2009

ROAD RAGE

Filed under: HUMOR,OPINION,PEOPLE — klugster @ 6:33 AM
Tags: , , ,

It is so easy today, to get upset with other drivers out on the roads. When I was learning how to drive, I was taught to pay attention to the road and not let ourselves get distracted. But today there are so many distractions that I am surprised that there is not more accidents on the roads.

 

Used to be, that to get distracted from the road you were probably looking at something off the side of the road, or fidgeting with something in your car. Maybe you were talking to other people in the car when you went in the other lane with out even realizing it.

 

Today all of those still apply but, thanks to modern technology, we have more thing’s to distract us from our driving. Today we have our cell phones to talk on. We can not put them down to drive; we have to hold it to our ear just talking about nothing. At the same time not realizing we just cut a car off, or ran some poor slab off the road. Changing lane to lane with out looking to see where the other cars are. I personally like the ones kneeling comfortly, with their arm on the middle console, looking straight ahead with their phones plastered to their ear. They are the worst.

 

Then we have texting, which has taken the world by storm. We love to text while driving because we are such great drivers and just have to send that text, because the person I am texting to need’s to read what I have to say. Otherwise the world just may come to end if I don’t send that text now. What was that bump in the road? Who cares? Let me send one more text.

 

How about the portable DVD players? I have seen people with them on their dash and on their seat watching them as they drive. Do not have the time to watch that DVD last night, that’s all right I will watch it on my way to work. Was that a dog that just ran out in front of me?

 

I have seen people shaving while driving, with their electric shavers, looking in the mirror to see how they did. I used to get stuck behind a lady every morning putting her make-up on. After a couple of days of this, I started to honk and ride her ass; she paid me no attention and kept doing her make up. I hoped she would hit a bump and her make up would go up her nose.

 

 One day I pulled into a convenient store to get some coffee and the make up lady pulled in beside me. When I came back out to my car she was sitting in her car putting lip stick on her lips. As I was getting in my car I yelled to her that it did no help her looks at all. The look on her face was priceless.

 

I have seen people reading books while driving. I have seen one lady opening her mail while driving. She had one of those knives that cuts open the envelope, and then she would read it. I was beside her for about a mile on the highway just watching her read her mail.

 

I had a lady that hit me from behind while driving down the street. She said that she did not see me stop. I told her that I had not stopped or even hit my brakes till she hit me. She told me that she was talking to her cat when she hit me. I looked in her car and saw an animal carrier in the back seat.  I did not see the cat but assumed it was in the carrier. Later, when I told the cop about her talking to her cat, he said she told him that she was talking to the cat on her cell phone.

 

These are all the same people that oppose any kinds of new laws that forbid talking on their phones while driving. New driving on cell phone laws are being proposed in different cities everyday. I do not believe that we need new laws ,just better driving etiquette among drivers.

I can understand how some people get road rage and get into fights with other drivers. We all here about it and have had a moment of almost crossing that line. We all need to remember that the right to drive is a privilege. With that privilege is the responsibility to be the best driver that we can be, by keeping our attention to the driving. All the other distractions that we give ourselves need to be dealt with after we get out of the car.

 

 

 

                                                                                                                     

 

 

 

 

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: